May3

The Writer’s Voice Competition Entry Contestant #61

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PLOT SUMMARY

Jonathan Vygil’s convinced he has the strangest parents ever. And he’d be right, but for all the wrong reasons. They aren’t obsessed with rescuing exotic animals – they’re busy saving monsters.

After turning twelve, Jonathan begins hearing disembodied voices causing him to question his sanity. Spurred by their urgent cries for help, he ventures into prohibited areas of the Vygil mansion where he’s frightened by Tertulius, a genuine monster. With his parents’ assurance that monsters aren’t make-believe or evil, Jonathan joins the Vygil Pact, an oath taken to ensure the protection of all monsterdom. To become a full-fledged member, he must train with Tertulius where he’ll learn why the existence of monsters is vital to all life on Earth.

But before his instruction begins, Tertulius disappears and Jonathan hurdles headlong into a frantic search for his guide. Through his journey, Jonathan realizes many people desire the rare creatures his family protects. The most perilous among them is The Plague, a family as intent on destroying the monsters as the Vygils are to save them. If Jonathan fails to find Tertulius in time, The Plague could grow strong enough to go seeking out their next victims – his parents.

FIRST 250 WORDS OF THE FAMILY VYGIL, 56000-word MG fantasy

Prologue

The disfigured man trembled in the darkness. On the verge of vomiting and sweating heavily, he wished he hadn’t been summoned. Even if he had a choice in the matter, he probably would’ve come because of his desperation for cash. He knew they would pay handsomely for this commission.They were desperate too.

Sounds of dripping water and a thick stench permeated the main hall of the ancient castle. Tattered and faded tapestries hung on the stone walls, the cobblestoned floor covered in mildew and dampness. The room sat dank and completely void of light, one of many in the cavernous castle. Centuries ago, the palace was glorious to behold. Carved deeply into the side of a mountain, its inhabitants considered it a safe haven, warm and inviting. Now it lay in a state of crumbling decay, just another relic in the modern world.

Without warning, an icy voice broke the silence.

“Hello, old friend. Glad to see you’ve decided to heed our summons. How are you today?” the man paused briefly. “You must be quite ill. Your hands are shaking, and your brow seems quite moist.”

The collector quickly wiped his forehead with the back of his sleeve and tried to regain his composure. Normally he wouldn’t behave in this manner. He took great satisfaction in being emotionless when it came to his line of work. Due to his occupation, he’d traveled to many treacherous locations, but none would ever compare to this place.

“Dear brother and sister, please welcome our associate.

************************************UPDATED 05/07/12**********************************************

(Although it’s too late now, I’m adding the first 250 words of my first chapter since I posted the first 250 words of my prologue and probably shouldn’t have done that in this contest. Oh well, you live and learn :)

     Their bloodlust was unquenchable. Every year the ravaging hordes descended upon their victims. No matter how many times they were caught and dispatched, they came back for more.

Jonathan dreaded this time of year. He’d already wasted most of his afternoon battling them instead of doing chores. Suddenly, he was attacked from behind. He swatted at the enemy with all of his might.

“993,” he tallied his latest kill as he flicked the dead mosquito from his neck. Sweat trickled into Jonathan’s eyes. In mid September in Georgia, the temperature still hovered around 90 degrees. If the heat alone wasn’t enough reason to work up a sweat, trying to protect his precious blood supply had been. The mosquitoes plagued the town which made the thought of going outside unbearable at times. But Jonathan didn’t have the luxury of hiding inside. Outside responsibilities needed his attention, per his mother’s instructions. Like a dutiful son, he braved the outdoors to take care of the task. Dutiful didn’t mean that a fair amount of grumbling wasn’t involved, however.

He crouched down in his mother’s garden to pull out the stubborn weeds while the sun mercilessly beat down on his back. It was as though Mother Nature was baking cookies and left the oven door wide open. The cicadas overhead made the trees vibrate with their singing. Jonathan desperately tried to finish up to get out of the heat, but his mind strayed far from the task at hand.

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87 Responses »

  2. I would just like to say that I am a big fan of yours and I know already what a great talent you are and now we have it in writing. I am hoping the best for you and hope that you have a chance to show the rest of world just how great you are. :) Love the summary, ready for it to be published.

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  10. Great job April! Loved the unique plot. It’s really fun and piques interest. Great query as well as the first 250. Best wishes in the contest.

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  14. I saw someone mention this entry on Twitter, so I had to come over here~ what a fantastic entry, and I love seeing middle grade entries! Best of luck!

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    • Thanks Jess, nothing like a little positive tweeting (at least I hope it was positive, lol). Thanks for the wonderful comments and good luck to us all!

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  25. This is an interesting and compelling query. The world really is filled with monsters, many of which are human – placed in a position of power over others. I think you’re going to do really well – good luck!

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  28. Thanks for wishing me good luck on my blog!

    I love this line in your query “They aren’t obsessed with rescuing exotic animals – they’re busy saving monsters.”

    Very interesting premise, all the best! )

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  38. Very nice premise. Really rings true when it comes to MG. Lovin’ the monster protection aspect. :) Glad to see a fellow MG writer :) Thanks for stopping by my blog!

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  42. Dear April,
    Thanks for stopping by and your encouragement. Middle Graders love a good action adventure, especially if it involves monsters. Well done you.
    Cheers
    Jacky (#130)
    xxx

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  43. April, I really like the sound of your story. It has elements I think are awesome for MG! Thanks for stopping by my blog, and good luck in the contest! -#128 :-)

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  51. Great idea. Doesn’t matter what world it is, a kid will always think his parents are strange! :)

    Good luck,
    Leslie #116

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  52. I’m a fan of this! Anything that reminds me of the show “Supernatural” makes me happy – of course, your monsters aren’t evil but I AM STILL A FAN OF YOUR BOOK :) Good luck in the contest!

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    • Do I know you? Because I love Supernatural even though I do portray monsters as good in my book ;) If I don’t know you, you are a freakin’ mind reader, lol.

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  71. I SO WANT YOU!!!!!

    Okay, you know I generally don’t read MG, but I LOVED this one, and I could totally picture my 10yo reading this book!! He’d devour it, and I know his tastes. You had me at: “They aren’t obsessed with rescuing exotic animals – they’re busy saving monsters.” And from that line on, it just turned better! And btw, I love Tertulius for a monster name–I think it’s cute.
    Like the other entries I’ve chosen, I have a few nitpicks, I think, but nothing huge.

    So, I think this was AWESOME and I’d LOVE to have THE FAMILY VYGIL on my team!!!

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  74. Thanks for the well wishes, as we at #TeamMonica are going to rock this contest, you know, in that writing kind of way. (By the by, though I didn’t comment earlier, I loved your concept from when I first bumbled into it, and it’s always good to see another male protagonist in the mix.)

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  77. Love the part about battling monsters instead of doing chores. Yay for good MG for boys! Good luck, teammate!

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